Monday, December 3, 2012

Mom, can I talk to you . . . Alone?

Tonight my 8 year old daughter came to me and said, "Mom, can I talk to you. . . Alone?"    I felt a big lump in my throat, and I wondered what it is was she was going to say or ask or tell?   She wanted to talk with me in my room; I guess so the other kids wouldn't be around.   She laid on my bed and I laid next to her, and in moments we were like two kids at a slumber party; her legs up in the air, crossed and wiggling as she started smiling and blushing and talking to me about everything under the sun.   I watched her animated little face, her long braided hair that flows down to the middle of her back, her teeth with braces decorated with the pattern of Christmas cheer.  I listened to every word she was saying but my mind was racing back to a time that now feels so long ago; and yet as if it was only a moment ago.    That first time I held her little body in my arms, that first long night without sleep, that first night I brought her home and felt the true heaviness of what had just happened to me.  The realization as I held that little perfect person in my arms--I was MOM, and this beautiful little girl, was mine.    I watched her little face talk about school and boys and ask me all sorts of innocent questions and all I could do was hold back these overwhelming tears.    I never expected this immense love to overcome me, to change me into the person I am today.  I never imagined she could be more beautiful today than she was that first day that I brought her home and how with each passing day I love her more and more.  I never imagined how much it could hurt to love someone with this deep love, and how much worry and pain it would cause, and how I would fret about the smallest decisions about which school to send her too, or how much joy and laughter could be found in just eight short years.   I sat with her and just soaked in the goodness of God to give me this gift and the gift of all my children; That He would trust someone like me with little ones, so precious.   I prayed in my heart that I will take more moments like tonight.   To just listen, and just BE with her in the moment.   Rather than rushing to and fro, trying to keep up with the busy demands of life.   I prayed that somehow God could slow down time so she could be with me forever, but I know that time is slipping away, so I prayed to make the most of it.   I prayed I will cherish every moment of this childhood that is quickly passing.  In eight more years she will a be a young woman.   I prayed I could somehow model how to gracefully become a woman who fears and follows God.  I prayed that she would know the DEEP LOVE that the Father has for her and be secure in that love.   I watched her smiling beautiful face and prayed she would know how perfect she is exactly as she is right now, and that confidence she exudes now, would never be stolen from her heart.   I thank God that she wants to talk to me right now, that she wants to tell me about her day and ask me her questions.   After we were done talking she said to me, "Mom, I love you so much."  I just soaked those words in, "I love you too" I said through tears.