I am still processing today. I've been up since 5:30 AM, praying and waiting for Henry's cleft repair to begin. It's something we've been anticipating for months. It did not happen today.
The ENT surgeon explained to us that when she put her instruments into his airway, it became acutely swollen, to the point that Henry would stop breathing. She backed out several times and then tried to go back in, but to not avail. It was not meant to be. I am thankful for many things. Thankful that the ENT surgeon had the wisdom not to precede. She said that with the swelling such as it was, the stitches would not have held. Further, she was more concerned that his airway was compromised and it would not have been safe for her to continue.
The surgeon was troubled and disappointed. I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. "I fix things," she said, "I'm sorry I couldn't fix this today." There was a look of defeat about her. I could tell she was burdened and now after this; I feel I really know her, she really cares about Henry. That comforted me.
Strangely, I am not completely surprised at todays events. The past week leading up to the surgery, I have been concerned that something like this was going to happen. Henry has been coughing more and more and having these "spells" at home in which he chokes and turns pale and becomes limp. When the surgeon approached us, before she said a word, I knew something wasn't right, I could tell by the look on her face. She also said she found another defect below his cleft, an area near his trachea that seems to be misshaped. She said she needs to consult with pulmonary and perhaps do a CT scan to evaluate what this is. She thinks it may have something to do with his passing out "spells." She mentioned Henry might need a tracheostomy tube in the future. This too, is not completely unexpected, but it is not something I take lightly. It brings a deep sadness to me that we would even have to consider this, and I will only consider after carefully evaluating all our options.
Tomorrow we will consult with cardiology as well. The ENT surgeon thought she saw something irregular about his heart rhythm and wants to have the checked out. I imagine we might be in the hospital for another night.
For now we are waiting. This seems to be a common theme for me this past year. What is to be learned from waiting? I believe many things, much of which I can't quite process this late at night, but I think I will ponder in days to come. For now I am at peace, and tonight I will rest. I am not sure what tomorrow will bring. Tonight, I have my sweet Henry. He is sleeping quietly, and I can hear him breathing. He is breathing. Thank you Lord.
Yet those who wait for the LORD, Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.
Isaiah 40:31 (New American Standard Bible)